i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
