Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
