Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Welp...herpes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
