if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
