is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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