Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
