I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
