at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
