So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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