Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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