I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
