oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
