dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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