Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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