M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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