he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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