my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
