i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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