My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
