I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
