We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
