I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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