I am puke
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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