so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
