Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
