Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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