My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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