does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
