So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
