I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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