you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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