god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
