She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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