So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
