No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
