Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
false alarm. still invincible.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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