After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
