Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
