at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
