im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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