Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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