All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
