YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
