I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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