I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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