apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
