She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
