My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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