they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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