Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
